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I’ve been incredibly surprised to realize that I am very much enjoying working.  It’s exhausting and there are times when I literally get out of bed and go non-stop until I sink to the couch, exhausted, after the various Evening Time Rituals.  I suppose that I could just be enjoying the novelty of having a job but I think it has more to do with actually having a framework for my day.  It seems to agree with me, this having a set of tasks to accomplish and the ability to output brain power, creativity and random yelling at children in the context of a school schedule.  Ahem.  I mean..well…whatever.

A few things to note:

If I die tragically, I need someone to be in charge of Malyn’s hair.  While Bryan has many talents, his half-gayness is letting me down BIG TIME in this area.  As it goes, I usually leave before the kids get dressed for school and Bryan delivers them to their respective schools.  Bryan has said that one More than One Occasion, Malyn’s teacher has gotten her out of the car with a “Whew!  Let’s sit you down next to the other teacher so she can help out with that hair!”  I *try* to handle it before I leave but sometimes, her hair style gets lost in the crazy morning shuffle.

Also, as if I needed reminding that I am my own worst enemy, I have a confession.  I have been teaching my second graders about angles.  You know, right angles, acute angles and obtuse angles.  To help them visualize angles, we have been making different angles with our thumbs and forefingers and holding them up against different parts of our bodies.  So, INEVITABLY, a couple of students were doing the ‘L’ of the right angle on their foreheads calling people “losers”.  So, I taught them that calling someone a “loser” was very “acute” (insert fingers poised in acute angle here) but honestly a bit “obtuse” because OBVIOUSLY any intelligent person would know that they are, in fact, “Right Angles”.  Well, we got a kick out of that.  In the meantime, I have long since found that if I engage students in activities while we are walking through the halls, they walk quietly, listen to me and it gives me a great way to review (and keep kids from getting antsy) while we are waiting to enter the lunch line, go to PE, etc.  So, the other day, we were walking to lunch and I asked them to show me different angles on their foreheads.  We came upon a third grade teacher with whom I used to work and who heard me cycling through the angles and she said, “Oh!  That’s a GREAT idea!” and I thanked her and went on, while directing the kids to show me Right Angles.  After we shuffled by, another teacher, who came upon us, asked the third grade teacher, “WHAT did *that* class do?”  The third grade teacher gave her a puzzled look and the other teacher said, “They must have done something horrible for her to make them do that.”  She ‘tsked, tsked’ and continued,  ”I think it’s so bad for their self-esteem and extremely degrading to make them walk around the school with LOSER on their heads.”

So yeah, evidently, one or more of the staff thought I was making my Limited English Proficiency Students walk around with the ‘Loser’ sign on their foreheads as punishment.  Sweet.  Great way to impress the higher-ups don’tcha know?

Needless to say, we have ceased that particular review method.  Although, I walked into a meeting where the entire second grade staff and the principal were giving me the Loser sign and laughing quite heartily at my expense.  So I guess word had gotten around.  Thankfully, the third grade teacher had the decency and presence of mind to, on the spot, explain what I was actually doing to that other teacher who was, admittedly, embarrassed to have assumed the worst.  But still, here I was asking my students to, effectively, walk around with a Loser Sign on their foreheads.  And my sweet little guys did it!  I think we all know who the real loser is here.

I did, however, get a bit of a bright spot in my week as my brother, Curtis and SIL, Alexis (parents to the incredibly beautiful Brooklyn), asked me to come to their 20 week ultra-sound where I found out the gender of the baby.  None of the rest of my family knows and I am in the process of torturing everyone and planning the Mother’s Day Reveal.  Can I get a collective “Ahhhhh…”  ????

Also, I may or may not be free trial-ing (new word) a New, Awesomer (not original but appropriate) Photo-Editing Software.  It’s…erm…advanced.  But it’s also incredible.

Behold!  SPRING!

“But, Miss, I’m very different.”

“The other kids laugh at me when I can’t do the things they can do.”

“I have no friends and no one to play with.”

“They make fun of me sometimes and it makes me sad and lonely.”

And that’s a heartbreak of a different sort.

This is what one of my students told me today.  I recognized the look on his face and when I asked him to come and talk to me in the hall, it all spilled out.  And he spent a good four minutes describing his own special brand of miserable.  And my heart broke for him.  He *is* different.  He *is* lonely.  And he reminded me so much of my own son that my heart melted and started welling up in my eyes and I nearly cried for him as I watched his bottom lip tremble.  And I had to fight the urge to crush him in my arms.

And I couldn’t fight that urge for more than two seconds before I could resist no longer and I just held him as my heart threatened to explode.

And when I had regained my control, I took him by the chin and I told him that he was special.  And that *I* loved him very much.  And that I would NEVER want him to change one single thing about himself because he reminded me SO MUCH of my little boy, Drew.  And if it would be okay, he could be my little boy at school because I missed my son *very much* and only HE could make me feel better.

And I told him that I understood that he felt different.  Because he IS different.  And I KNOW that he can’t do everything the other kids do.  And I told him that he needed to keep a secret from the other kids but he was all of the teachers’ favorite.  And at recess, we talk about how great and perfect he is and how much we like having in in our various classes (and that’s the truth).

And I told him that I loved him very, very much (which is also very true).  And different means unique and wonderful and perfect.

And I asked him who, out of the entire class, was the nicest to him.  And when he told me, I promised to sit him next to that student.  And I told him if he ever felt lonely, I wanted him to come and tell me and he could sit next to me.  And he nodded and said he would and said thanks.

And I hugged him again and promised him and myself (silently) that I would make it Better for this child as much as I could.

So I asked my most responsible boy student into the hall and I told him that I wanted to give him a special project.  And he was not to tell the other kids.  Because I trusted him and felt he was mature enough to do this for me.  And I simply asked him to include this other boy.  To make an effort to befriend him.  And I explained that the other boy felt like no one liked him and we knew it isn’t true but he was feeling lonely and just needed a good friend.  And I asked again if he was willing to help me and if I could trust that he would do his best to be a good friend to the other boy.  And he nodded his head eagerly and assured me that he would.

And then I pulled each of the other students (mostly boys) out who were the culprits individually into the hall.  And I explained in very explicit terms that I was very disappointed to hear of their behavior and that I would be keeping a *very* close eye on them and I expected better out of them and if I heard One.Single.Breath of a hint of anything like this again, I would send them directly to the office, I would call their parents and they could expect me to be incredibly unhappy with them for a Looooong time.  And, with their eyes downcast (because truly, they aren’t horrible kids), I also told them that I knew that I would not hear of it again because they were very good boys and Of Course, they made a one-time mistake, RIGHT?  Yes, that’s what I thought.

I’m not so sure I’m cut out for this teaching thing because suddenly, I see my own children looking back on me.  Or I imagine how I would feel if someone was teasing MY child for things out of his control.  And I know some of it’s normal.  And I know NO ONE escapes bearing the harder parts of childhood.

But dang.  He reminded me So Much of Drew that I couldn’t stand it.

I’m not sure I did/am doing the right thing, honestly.  It may be better to let the little stuff go and only deal with the bigger issues.  The other boys aren’t inherently mean–the boy really is different.  It’s something he is going to have to deal with for quite some time.  And I’m only in this class for a short time.  But dang, guys, he reached out and hugged me when we were on our way out of the school for Spring Break.  And he’s never done that before.

Heartbreak of another sort.