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I am the first to admit that I am fairly late to most bandwagons.  I was the last to embrace flip-flops as everyday wear.  I have only recently started eating vegetables other than carrots.  I got a cell phone that does something other than strictly make a phone call only last November.  I still would rather talk than text although I am improving on that one.  (I still cringe when I replace to ‘you’ with a ‘u’ and often just use the regular words, appropriate capitalization and semi-proper grammar and punctuation.)  So I’m late to the “Everyone’s Doing It” party is what I’m sayin’.

So it comes as no shock when I admit that until fairly recently (only a few years, people), my ‘Down There’ grooming regimine was limited to shaving the bikini line area only and only in summer.

Yeah, let’s pause and issue a Code Orange TMI alert.  Which means that you should STOP READING if you:

a) are related to me.

b) work with me.

c) do not want to think or know anything about my pubic hair woes.

d) will ever mention this out loud in public to me or around me or AT ALL.

e) are way younger and will think that my meager steps into ‘withitness’ are laughable and antiquated.

f) do not know what antiquated means.

So, who’s left?  Just me?  And Cheyenne?  Okay.

For an embarrassingly long time, I was utterly UNAWARE that anything COULD CONCEIVABLY be shaved besides your bikini area.  Like, I had no notion that such things as Brazilians, waxing, or grooming of existing hair were allowed unless you were a porn star or weird.  I know, SO SHAMED, SAD AND NAIVE!  Why didn’t anyone HELP A SISTER OUT?  Seriously, I was like a mere babe in the woods of pubic hair care.  I have always been a lazy bikini shaver.  I did it mostly in the summer, mostly only when I had to and never when I could get by without it.  I was probably close to thirty when I realized that I could like, TRIM that fluffy area with some scissors and hey, that’s kind of NICER AND NEATER.  And it was a little while longer before I realized that WOW, if I trim it short, it’s even BETTER.  But, still with the lazy, I would go long periods of time without bothering and reacquire the bush.  Eventually, I figured out that I could save time by using…er…clippers for a lack of a better word.  So that worked well but have I mentioned that I am lazy?  So yeah with the “not often”.

Finally, Bryan flat out asked me to shave it all.  Which was FINE BY ME (and kind of sexy, actually) but I had NO idea where to begin.

Let’s just say that first “totally shaving off your girly hair right around the sensitive bits” shower lasted a LONG TIME.  In fact, I am sure someone could have made a million dollars selling that video to America’s Funniest (and most perverted) Home Videos.  But lo, I am Not Good with This Stuff because I found myself googling, “how to shave your girlie bits the Right Way” today.

So I’m thinking of just getting it lasered right the hell off.  But then I imagine myself at 68 going to the OB with NO HAIR DOWN THERE and I think GAH!  Gross!  What if it’s ALL WRINKLY down there?  At that point, wouldn’t a nice layer of Hide That Shit be just the thing?

Am I the only one who thinks of these things?

Oh…okay.  Right.

My husband has been virtually ignoring me because he has been completely absorbed in his latest project.  HOURS spent on youtube looking at videos.  Notes scribbled here and there.  Finally, FINALLY, all of that hard work and determination has paid off and I can finally announce:

Bryan can solve the Rubik’s cube.

The sex appeal in that skill alone is enough to just make me hot all over.

(Bryan says I’m overselling it greatly.)

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In other headliner news, I have recently learned that Ebooks purchased on Amazon that show up magically on my laptop are LIKE MANNA FROM HEAVEN.  Unless, of course, you fail to add up recent one-click purchases and realize the amount you’ve spent on books outweighs that which you have spent on food for your children.

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I Blew My Students’ Minds today when, after a great deal of time invested in reading the first Harry Potter book, I surprised them with samples of Bertie Botts’ Every Flavo(u)r Beans.  I work in one of the poorest schools around here with a HIGH HIGH HIGH percentage of minority students.  They were SO PSYCHED to eat vomit-flavored jelly beans.  Much hilarity ensued and it was the perfect way to spend the last day before Spring Break.

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It is So Freakin’ Gratifying to hear my students chant in response to another student’s “I’m DONE!”

“Turkeys are Done, People are Finished!!!”

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My best friend is the most awesome person in the world as she has BOTH of my children over at her house for a Friday Night sleepover.   AND she’s in the final stages of planning her daughter’s birthday party (scheduled for tomorrow).  AND she knows I’m NEVER going to reciprocate.  AND she knows I’m probably not going to even properly take advantage of this ‘date night potential’ situation and will probably fall asleep shortly before 9.

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Bryan just came over to me forcing me to “Listen to this. This is awesome.”  and Sure Enough, it’s a Youtube video from a PBS sound stage.

Yep, that’s the news from Nerd Central.