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Discussions had with or about The Dog recently. (vulgarity included with no extra charge)

Scene 1:

Me: Dog, the whining is doing NOTHING for me.  I can’t even walk away from you without you whining, barking and generally carrying on.  It’s NOT A BIG DEAL, I am just going to the bathroom.  YOU’RE FINE.  Really, it MAKES me want to walk away from you.

Dog: Whine, whine, yowl, yip.

Me: Seriously, it’s getting OLD, Dog.  It doesn’t make me want to be around you.  In fact, it makes me want to cross the PETA-approved dog abuse line over and over again and, in fact, STOMP all over it.

Dog: {head tilt with questioning look in her eyes as she considers}

Scene 2: (at the Puppy Training Class)

The trainer: At the end of this class, your dog will be able to be off-leash and, on command, come across the room, walk once around you and sit quietly at your left side.

Me:  Yes, that’s all well and good but can you get her to SHUT UP?

Scene 3: (at the park for a walk)

Me: Dog, I think it’s supposed to be a *walk*.  Not a start….stop….start..stop…st….stop.

Dog: Riiiiiiggggght.  But there are PEOPLE!  SMELLS!  MUST CHASE STROLLER!  Look!  SOMEONE’S RUNNING!  TODDLERS!  A DEAD LIZARD!

Me: Seriously, Dog, a walk isn’t supposed to be a tricep workout for me.

Dog: Not responding because she is pulling so hard on the leash she is literally gagging herself.

Scene 4:

Me: (to Bryan) Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, that training class was the BEST EVER.  I was JUST telling one of the other miserable dog owners while waiting for the class to start that all I really wanted from this class was for the Dog to stop pulling on the leash and to shut up on command.  And today, we totally learned how to keep her from pulling.  AND IT WORKED!  And the trainer was IMPRESSED by The Dog.  And it might take a MILLION times, but I KNOW she can get it and now I don’t have to BEAT HER anymore and that will be great because I was starting to feel guilty.

Bryan: What?  About beating her?

Me:  No, not that.  Because the kids were going to cry when we got rid of the dog.  But seriously, it was so awesome to see that she did what she was supposed to and now, I think we can have a walk instead of a start-stop-start-stop.

Bryan: That’s great.  So when’s the ‘Shut the Fuck Up’ class?

Evidently, I suck at writing.  Or rather, my brain is more writer’s block than writer.  Which is fine because I never wanted to be a writer anyway.

But, I do have a billion things to write about:

1) My Little Sister’s Wedding/AKA crazy people in formal wear

2) The Dog, for whom I am writing and leaving post-it notes

3) Sickness of the grossest magnitude/AKA the never ending cycle of laundry

4) My New Life/AKA now THIS is what being a SAHM should be about

5) Reflections on parenting now that I only have to do it a few hours a day

But, alas, I have NO TIME for this because despite the fact that I have ALL OF THE TIME IN THE WORLD, I am surprisingly busy.  I must grab up my book and read it in two car rider lines as the thunderstorm which I hear rumbling my way pounds on my car’s windshield.  I LOVE thunderstorms.

I also have quite a few pictures to upload and share.