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Last night, I was in bed and asleep by 9:15 pm.  No, this is not THAT unusual to warrant a blog post.  I realize that.

At 9:45-ish, my 6 year old daughter showed up at our bedside, crying hysterically about a nightmare.  This *is* unusual and noteworthy in that neither one of my children are the type to get out of bed.  My deepest sleep is generally right after my head hits the pillow until around 4 am so I woke up hard and brutally.  She was absolutely beside herself about this dream and when questioned, she could not communicate coherently about the terrifying dream.  After a few attempts to get her to talk, I thought I must be in a half-wake state because she was rambling and not making any sense.  So, to calm her down, I told her to climb in bed with us so I could snuggle her.  My ultimate goal was to get her calm enough to pacify her with a retuck in with her stuffed animal friends there for protection and comfort.  As she cuddled in close, I noticed that she was very hot.  Feverish, in fact.  A quick head swipe confirmed the fever.  That would explain the incoherent rambling and the shaking.  We gave her medicine and put her back in bed.  We immediately guessed she had strep throat as her brother had it last week.  We did the “who stays home with the sickie” game and my husband got the privilege.

This morning, I was contemplating my day, which involved nineteen 5 year olds on their very first Field Day in 90 degree weather while brushing my teeth when my daughter joined me in the bathroom and said…”So, Mom, since I probably have strep throat, we will have to change my toothbrush again, right?”

Me: Ummm…yeah, I suppose you’re right (around a mouthful of toothbrush/paste).

Her:  Just thought I’d tell you because you’re using MY TOOTHBRUSH.

Me: …   …   …

In my defense, we JUST changed toothbrushes last week when Drew had strep.  And my previous toothbrush was pink while Malyn’s NEW (strep-filled) toothbrush is pink.

We have 10 days left of school.  The chances of finding a sub during that time are…uh…slim to none.  I have so many things on my “To Do or Attend Before School Gets Out” list that I’m going to have to start COLOR CODING my excel spreadsheet.

I am so screwed.

So, I got into a discussion on facebook about my pubic hair…

Er…well, that’s actually the truth although it was a private message and I was totally the one to start the topic (of course).  But it occurred to me that I needed to post a follow-up to the post wherein I decide to get laser hair removal for my area DOWN THERE.  So here it is:

I went two weeks ago and happened to run into a closet reader who is also a co-worker.  I was telling her that I was going to get my stuff lasered (yes, I am the epitome of professionalism) that very afternoon and she left me with this:

Her: Imagine a rubber band…like the kind they put around broccoli.

Me: Yeeeesssssss…..???….!!!!

Her: Now.  Imagine it on fire.  And they keep flicking you with it over and over again.  IN YOUR LADY LAND.

Me: (…)

So this serves to illustrate a couple of things.  First of all, my coworkers are obviously awesome.  Second of all, each person has their own experience.  My laser procedure did not hurt in that way at all.  In fact, it wasn’t even more than mildly uncomfortable.  The lady came in, discussed the procedure, the possible side-effects (none of which were anything more than mild and none of which I experienced) and made sure I was alright with everything.  Then, she had me take off my pants and panties and lay down with a towel on top of my unmentionables which she came back in and promptly whisked off.  She then applied a thick layer of insulating jelly to my area and started in.  It felt like very light, very mild pinpricks.  As she worked, the insulating jelly wore a little thin and then the wand-like laser zapper thing got hot and that was where I felt some mild discomfort.  It just happened to coincide that point where she reached the actual really sensitive stuff and I probably could have asked her to apply more jelly but it wasn’t bad enough to even mention.  She was pleasantly chatty during the whole process and finished up the front part in about 7 minutes or so.  Since I was going full Brazilian, she asked me to flip over and lay on my stomach, which I did.  It was then that I nearly lost it because I realized that I was laying ON MY STOMACH on a table, unclothed at the crucial bits waiting for a nice Asian-ish woman who was coming toward me with a hot wand coated in a jelly-like substance.  I mean, I could barely keep my giggles in.  I was living every dirty trucker’s dream.

After *that* encounter with the jelly-coated probe (I mean, seriously, how often can I claim that on this blog?  I’m taking advantage.), she handed me some tissues and I cleaned up.  Which sounds just as trashy as it felt.  She told me I could get dressed and she went to type some things into the computer in the room and was discussing again what I could expect and when my next appointment would be.  I am used to people (medical-type people) who have been exploring my bikini area to leaving the room when I get redressed (at least during my waxing appointments and OBGYN visits) but this lady just kept talking and muttering about the schedule as I shook out my jeans and panties and hiked everything back up.  That was the strangest part and I now can sympathize with how a procurer of delicate services of the type offered in Las Vegas feels…not professional enough to allow some privacy but no love/lust to allow for intimacy.  So I perched awkwardly on the spinning stool, punched our next hook-up into my calendar and left.  The whole thing lasted less than 15 minutes.  Wham, bam thankyouma’am, indeed.

***Note for those who want the specifics:  Your hair doesn’t need to be any particular length–just don’t shave at least 4-5 days prior to the laser as razors can damage the top layer of skin and that can make the laser procedure more uncomfortable.

***Another note: Your hair doesn’t fall out after the procedure.  The laser is killing the hair follicles in slow increments so it doesn’t show any appreciable difference immediately.  The hair will eventually respond by not growing as fast, growing thinner, etc. but at the moment after the procedure, there is no difference in your area.

***Last note: Yes, you can kind of smell the singeing hair.  Ick.