The Thing About Which We Shall Not Speak–
January 26th, 2010Everyday, I troll the websites. I have a set of about six or seven. I should make a bookmark folder with them but that just seems like I am marking myself “Destined to Forever Be Looking”.
I get excited when I come across something. “I could do that.” I think. Or, “That sounds like fun.” It’s becoming a little pathetic, really.
This limbo period was a part of the plan.
I used to believe that I was laid-back. Now, with a smirky half-chuckle, I can admit that I am NOT laid-back. I am a power-worrier. I like to have a list or a task and to check it off. I like to know what’s going on.
So this whole job hunting thing is not working so well for me. Funny enough, it’s almost a little bit embarrassing to say that I am actively seeking a job, because it’s embarrassing to admit that I don’t have one yet. Now, let me throw my excuses out there up front so we are all clear on how I am not a loser, mmmkay?
1) In my job market (education), in my area, there is an unprecedented (note: no actual data to support this, just my experience) lack of jobs. In fact, counties/systems actually shed positions last year and are looking to shed positions again for the upcoming year. Budgets (federal/state/local) have been cut drastically.
2) For every position, there are hundreds of applicants (note: no actual data to support this, just incidental offerings from higher-ups with whom I have spoken). One principal said, “I have no positions available and you should see the file folder I have stuffed with resumes. Awesome resumes from highly qualified people. There is just no funding to hire them.” It doesn’t help that, as with most situations, there is some combination of blind luck, political workings and happening to be in the right spot in the right time when those rare positions DO pop up.
3) I did not try very hard to get a job for this current school year. We were unsure of our daughter’s pre-k situation so it kept us from really pursuing my reemployment. In fact, it wasn’t in our plan for me to return to teaching until this coming up school year but once we realized that the pre-k situation was going to work out and I could conceivably swing it, it was too late to get a job (not that there were any available, just hypothetically speaking).
But even with all of that rationalization, I have to admit that it really sucks to be on the market. Once we started realizing what Bryan’s pay cut really means for us and how my income would improve our financial situation (meaning, PUT LIFE into our financial situation), it’s like I am a little obsessive about it. Extra income. Life Outside of the House. Using my brain. Not relying on the dash (–) for all of my grammar needs (it’s a Comma! It’s a semi-colon! It’s what you put when you don’t know what else to use!). Vacation! Adults!
{Aside: Yeah, you telling me that it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be (working) DOES NOT HELP. I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY realize that life is always greener on the other side but I have been chewing this grass for a LOOOONG time so the trade-offs for working are looking mighty fine. And you reserve the right to bitch about working but wanting to stay home and I reserve the right to dream about disposable income, vacation time, etc. It’s a trade off, we ALL GET IT!}
I had a stunning realization that the prospects of me getting a teaching job any time in the future are bleak. So, I started coming up with a long overdue plan to get my Masters Degree. But the niggling thought that I *should*be working just would not go away. So here I sit, trolling the sites and looking for an opportunity. I have decided to go in a different direction than strictly education for my Masters because I don’t want to be stuck in this situation again. And I figure that even though we will have to take out student loans to get my Master’s degree, that will at least give me a few years for the teaching prospects to improve. And if not, I can defer my student loans by staying in school to get my Specialist’s Degree. And if I STILL haven’t found a job, I’m going to be the most educated person who ever wore a fast-food headset because GOD KNOWS I am NOT getting my PhD.
But…
I have been submitting my application for positions outside of teaching. They are still mainly education-related but not in the classroom. I examine each posting. I try to imagine myself giving up my love of teaching to do that job. I try to see myself doing it day in and day out. Honestly, I usually apply anyway because it can’t hurt and there aren’t a ton of jobs that fit into the category of what I am at all qualified to do. I got a callback today. Just a preliminary callback. Not something that will necessarily even lead to anything. BUT, for that brief instant, it felt GREAT to have a nibble. To know that possibly, I AM HIREABLE. The lady I spoke with very frankly said that even after only six days of having that position posted, they had a surprisingly large response. I guess I am not the only one holding their breath and hitting send. I am only mildly qualified for this position. I feel confident I could do a good job but unless I get the chance to show it, they only have my meager resume and cover letter offerings. She did say that I would not hear anything for at least two weeks about being called in for an interview.
I am totally over-analyzing every word she said. I am hashing out each nuance. I am sad and pathetic. I will continue to power-worry about it for a few days before I get tired of worrying about it and move on. I hope my husband and my best friend don’t get too tired of me until that point. They shouldn’t. This is a fairly predictable pattern with me.
I do not want to speak of this any more. No asking if I got the interview because it will hurt my fragile ego to say, “No.” No congratulations on the nibble because until the fish is landed a nibble doesn’t mean much. This is The Thing About Which We Shall Not Speak.